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A Journey through Depression
and Anxiety
By Darrell J.
Williams
I
would like to share the story of my journey through the world of
depression and anxiety and how it all began just five years ago.
In early 2001, I began experiencing severe insomnia. There
were times that I did not sleep for 24 hours or longer. Not sleeping
for such long periods of time quickly led to severe imbalances, not just
physical, but mental and emotional as well. Our family physician
prescribed Paxil and Trazodone, thinking these medicines would
help. I quickly disregarded the Paxil because it made my breath so
bad that my wife would not come near me. It wasn't long before I
realized that the Trazodone wasn't helping the insomnia so I stopped that
too.
What alerted my wife to my distress occurred when we were away to
California to attend a friend's wedding. Sometime in the night I
awoke trembling and shaking so that it awakened her. Being a native
Californian, she naturally thought the bed was shaking due to an
earthquake. But no, even though I was completely conscious, it
appeared that I was having a seizure. My legs shook, I was slapping
my belly, and I was very afraid. Our visit was somewhat tortured
because I could not sit still. When she visited an old friend at a
restaurant, I had to go outside and pace around the building just to deal
with the anxious energy coursing through my body.
I rapidly developed anxiety and suicidal ideation followed quickly
as my "Dark night of the soul" began. I kept telling myself
that this would be resolved soon, thinking that I could return to my
previous "normal" self once again. Unfortunately I had no idea
of the challenges that lay ahead of me.
Spending many nights in extreme distress I even found myself
walking the streets at night as a result of the insomnia. I experienced
very bizarre symptoms beyond what most associate with Depression and
Anxiety and recall thrashing wildly in bed next to my wife while being
conscious and yet having no control over my body. I must admit there have
been times when I prayed that I would simply pass over to the other side
and not have to continue this mental anguish.
My family doctor found that I tested extremely low in testosterone
and put me on testosterone patches. These cost $100 per month, and
since I didn't see any improvement after 30 days of use, I discontinued
it. I also saw four psychiatrists and a therapist and
proceeded to follow the medication regime
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of
anti-depressants (Paxil, Celexa, Effexor, Prozac), anti-anxiety meds
(Xanax), sleeping pills (Trazodone, Ambien), and anti-psychotics
(Zyprexa). Sometimes I would get some benefit from the anti-anxiety and
sleeping meds but the anti-depressants did nothing for the depression and
only created outrageous side effects.
The anxiety alone made it difficult for me to eat and I began to
lose weight. Then when one psychiatrist prescribed Effexor, I
developed severe diarrhea and lost more weight. I could no longer
fit into my clothes. I had to buy underwear and long pants in a
smaller size. When I complained to my psychiatrist, he fired me for
not being willing to follow his prescription!
Finally, I found a sympathetic female psychiatrist who quickly
switched meds and the diarrhea stopped. She also put me on Zyprexa,
which did stimulate my appetite, until I gained all my weight back and
more. She also tested me for a carcinoid tumor (5HIAA urine) that
has the ability to secrete hormones such as serotonin.
Many people don't know this, but excess serotonin can cause the
same symptoms as a deficiency of this hormone. That's why the side
effects of SSRI medications include the very symptoms they are trying to
treat!
Going on the assumption that I may indeed have this rare type of
cancer, my wife immediately put me on a twice-daily dose of Essiac tea, a
natural anti-cancer treatment. After about 5 weeks we repeated the
urine test and this time, it came back normal.
I moved through the traditional psychiatric model of mental
illness. At one point, I admitted myself into Cedar Springs
Psychiatric Hospital for a long weekend and all they did was greatly
increase the medications that I was taking. I was really doped up,
but in no way was I experiencing improvement.
Eventually I began exploring everything else I could find in the
arena of alternative medicine. I tried massage, reflexology, cranial
sacral energy work, chiropractic, herbs, acupuncture, nutrition, Syntonic
Optometry and anything else that offered hope that I might become well
once again.
It eventually became clear that the medications were only making
me more toxic. In addition to diarrhea, I developed a skin rash and
a terrible smell emanated from my bath towels. I chose to wean off
the medications one at a time. Xanax was the last and the hardest
to let go, but eventually I did it.
Early on I stumbled
upon DBSA, having been referred by a
(Continued
on page 6)
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